FREAST DO SMILING IN PHOTOS

KEAST: coat -UNIQLO, dress - ASOS, tights - M&S, 

Keast used almost a whole can of dry shampoo before these were taken yet her hair still looks like she works overtime at KFC. After watching Paranormal Activity last night, there was the choice of leaving the room in the dark alone to have a shower and facing certain death, or remaining in a foetal position with her hands over her eyes and ears. Keast chose the latter. The coat she's sporting isn't the most practical thing she's owned and it's never been worn in the presence of red wine. Keast feels the dress helps her on her mission towards becoming Taylor Swift but she really needs to be walking through a field in the Deep South to make it work.

FRY: cardigan - American Apparel, trousers - Zara, boots - ASOS, muscles - ballet

Fry is aware that leant forward in all her photos she isn't demonstrating most effectively the assets of her double breasted cardigan. Through wearing this outfit to her ethnomusicology lecture she hoped her colleagues would assume by her khaki trousers with pockets on the sides that she was the sort of person who frequently travels to Papa New Guinea to record and analyse indigenous folk music. In actual fact, Fry meerly enjoys the fact that the waistband expands with her as she settles back into her mid-term uni diet as well as the fact that she could carry stuff in her legs if she really wanted to.

Freast hope you appreciate our new-found ability to smile in place of attempting yet another 'America's Next Top Model' reference. Similarly, to counteract the over-casual nature of the last few posts, we'll attempt Haute Couture in the near future. Thanks to all our new followers, we'll try to think of something exciting to do if we get to 100. We probably will give something away but think along the lines of a Primark bathmat (signed by Freast) rather than a Mulberry Alexa.

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FREAST

FREAST CONTINUE TO RELISH CLASHING PATTERNS

FRY: cardigan - East, satchel - Primark, leggings - Zara

As Primark's worthy competitor to the Mulberry Alexa, this satchel is probably one of Fry's better bags at coping with her degree (unlike her more uselss collection of clutches).When she was 14 and cool, she covered it in badges. She now prefers a more minimalist approch in order to pave the way for the exciting pattern offered by this orange slash yellow thing. Sourced from Mamma Fry's wardrobe of the olden days, Fry enjoys the pattern of this cardigan very much, despite the intimidating fact that its colour palet on her skin makes her look like she has meningitus. For when this post inevitably reaches Miss Jay, she apologises for having 'lost her neck'.

KEAST: jumpsuit - FCUK 

Following Fry in the 'losing the neck' posing, Keast acknowledges that in comparison to her better half, this outfit is a bit of a cop-out considering it's made of one piece of fabric. Bought by mini-Keast (under the orders of Keast) from the FCUK sale as a birthday present, it takes the Primark onesie and turns it into a tablecloth-like wonder. It's beyond us why it was down from around £100  to 30. The shoulder pads made Keast feel a bit uneasy, as does the fact she's not sure whether it would be acceptable to wear it outside the confines of G staircase.   You may or may not have noticed Keast  moved habitations about 2 weeks ago, yet for some reason there are still crates on the floor.  However, she now has no less than 5 chairs of varying heights in her room which make for excellent clothes dumping oportunities. In addition her 'special friend' has decided he no longer has time to devote to Keast's extensive posing sessions and as a result she's had to reacquaint herself with the self-timer function.

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FREAST

FREAST DO REPPING FOR BRITAIN

dresses - TK Maxx, bags - Mulberry

Back when Freast were cool, we went to see The Kooks at the Ibiza Rocks hotel in matching sequin Union Jack dresses. Initially purchased in celebration of Fry's 18th birthday, these TK Maxx gems for some reason went down much better in Spain than Portsmouth. It was unsaid, but both of us secretly thought that through the wearing of such outrageous costume the Kooks would probably invite us up on stage, beginning our lifetime of superstardom. Surprisingly, this didn't happen. It did however function as a marvellous method of making us feel like C-list celebrities. There are probably around 30 photos on the interweb of Freast with generic Spanish men thinking we were some sort of UK pop act.

We're aware that we look somewhat bedraggled in every single photo, but we were at the point of the holiday where pot noodles and  free flourescent-coloured drinks had taken their toll on both Freast's appearance and mood.  Highlights included not talking for a solid 20 minutes after Keast stepped on Fry's toes, and bedding down in the sofa area of 'Es Paradis.' Incredibly we made it onto the flight home with our friendship and our immune systems intact, having taken a taxi directly from the club to the airport, a story which we repeat at every social occasion as it's the only time it's appeared like we live a crazy rock and roll lifestyle.


 

Our lack of posts recently is regretful, however mini Fry had brain surgery and Keast unlike Fry does a real subject at university and so has to do like loads of work. To our hundreds of disappointed fans who have no doubt made our blog their homepage we apologise, and promise to be all over the interweb soon.

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FREAST

FREAST DO POOR POSING

FRY: shirt thing - vintage, dress - American Apparel, boots - Primark, necklaces - Urban Outfitters

A fan of all things puffa, this is the first of Fry's many quilted numbers to be showcased on this blog. Quite apart from their wipe clean appeal, on a night out in Manc they offer more warmth than most to all of her assorted knitwear. The outside of this plaid number is actually flannel, which combined with the quilted lining apparently makes for a good cuddle. It's also quite nice to walk over when left on her bedroom floor. Although partial to the odd bottle of Johnsons, Fry assures us that today's bronzed legs are meerly a product of trendy photo editing. She apologies that in her attempt to 'find her light', her head is to one side in every single photo.

KEAST: playsuit - ASOS, shoes - Office, tights - H&M

Keast ordered this playsuit from the ASOS sale and it almost didn't do up due to the well-stocked fridge over the Christmas period. She's very tempted to wear this to her hours of education but feels the zip being in the front may make her one-on-one supervisions awkward. The prostitute shoes were a birthday gift from parents Keast although she bought them herself and daddy keast says if it was up to him he wouldn't let her out the house. Keast tried to do serious face on the stairs but the fact that it was night-time and she was in the throes of a pneumonia/TB hybrid has led to disappointing results. This said she's moved rooms now which may lead to both bedroom AND living room shots complete with a sink and a quality TK Maxx tablecloth (it's basically MTV cribs.)   ALSO when writing the little bit about where her clothes were from she realised she really wasn't wearing that much for winter and will go all out on the layers next time. 

We're experimenting with new layout in order to source maximum space for the writings of Freast, but only having a B in half-course IT GCSE is not helping procedures as we have yet to need to build a spreadsheet about garden centres. Fry has a 'Reading Week' (jealous face from Keast) so the posts should be coming thick and fast in the days ahead. Loving the comments and followings, will hopefully have time to reply to them all amongst pretending to follow the superbowl and fighting off plagues. 

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FREAST

MEMORIES OF FREAST

1. FREAST DID BARN DANCING

A key part of Bandcamp (where Freast met,) the barndance allowed Freast to go all out with the classy outfits. Oblivious of the fact that it was held in a sportshall and less than 15% of attendees forced to come actually took part, Freast were in their element. Highlights included being bequeathed with the microphone to tell people to doh-see-doh, and being able to hold hands with people it was normally inappropriate to touch. 

2. FREAST DID ARTS AND CRAFTS

As teenagers, Freast never fully took on the ladette culture, preferring to remain indoors in pyjamas painting each other's faces on canvas sourced from Poundland. Keast's depiction by Fry was hung above her bed for at least 3 years, until she came home from uni to find the parents had removed it because they found it 'frightening.' In our heads, in 3 years time these will be hanging facing each other in the 'FREAST: THE FORMER YEARS' exhibition at the Tate. 

3. FREAST DID ENTERTAINING THE MASSES

Another Band Camp gem, Freast took to the stage in polyutherine ''leather'' trousers and multiple gold chains to regale a crowd of about 40. This preceded a joint attempt at playing the violin in the same dress. Both videos can be sourced online but we'll wait for The Sun to find those when we're superstars.

4. FREAST DID DOMESTICITY

As part of our training to become wives, Freast decided to do a Delia and prepare a roast. This resulted in severe oil burns and barely cooked roast potatoes as dessert. Nevertheless, being able to traipse around Tesco wearing clothes we'd found in a house belonging to someone we'd never met allowed for maximum Freast enjoyment. Similarly, our new found obsession with the Primark 'living' department in all its sequinned cushion glory has propelled us along the path of home-making. 

5. FREAST DID CUSTOMIZATION

Furthering our exploration of domesticity, Freast have taken to the sewing machine more than once in our friendship. A pre-Ibiza birthday present for Fry, these bikini bottoms were worn once, subsequently disintegrating upon contact with chlorine. Other bonding moments have included sewing 'Freast' in sequins onto a velour tracksuit until 4am, and creating ballgowns by wrapping leapord print tablecloths around our entire bodies. Think Project Catwalk. 

   

FREAST DO INAPPROPRIATE HEMLINES

dress - ASOS, cardigan - vintage, tights - Henry Holland, boots - ASOS,  necklaces - Urban Outfitters

blazer - charity shop, top - topshop, tights - M&S, skirt - ASOS,  cardigan - Zara

In deciding that velvet is the new denim, and will never go out, Fry has invested in this striking body-con orange number. However, following her Dominoes-based dinner, body-con wasn't deemed by her photographer an attractive look - thus the giant green man cardigan was added to the ensemble. In a similar vein to Fry's 'special friend,' Keast's photographer decreed that having a picture on the interweb where the darker line at the top of her tights came below the hem of her skirt would put her office-babe career in jeapordy. She feels the 'powerwoman' blazer counteracts the 'prostitute' bottom half perfectly. She invested in the man-blazer last year, but is very afraid of the fact she's seen someone wearing an identical one in a lecture. In the wearing of Henry Holland's 'Hollywood' tights, Fry is trying to convince herself that this gives her all the credentials to replace Keast with someone like Alexa Chung or Agness Deyn. She has also invested in these ASOS trainer heels, believing that they will furthermore render her perfect WAG material. She is still waiting by the phone for both of these offers. 

 

Having run out of poses which didn't make her look all grubby, Keast resorted to the classic 'I'm wearing glasses made out of my own hands' look. She is aware that that having a chair covering most of her body probably isn't the best method of showcasing the outfit she's wearing. In hindsight tidying her floorspace would have made for a more aesthetically pleasing photo, although many visitors have noted that the plastic flowers and couture curtains are remniscent of Vogue Living. Keast was feeling particularly unclean this day. and it is for this reason that you can't see her face too closely and that her photos are generally below-par. Fry would like to apologise for the all too frequent wearing of the same two necklaces - tragically, she believes they make her outfits look more expensive. In addition, she has failed to wash her hair and has resorted to the aforementioned disgusting bun on top of her head. This won't happen again.

Massive thanks to all the new followers, even if we did coerce you through the use of comments. We'll try to keep the posts coming as regularly as possible, but Fry's uni starts next week with proper work (Keast's started 2 weeks ago. She isn't at all jealous.)

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FREAST

FREAST DO INCA-INSPIRED

KEAST: cardigan - ASOS, tights - M&S, t-shirt - H&M

FRY: cardigan - ASOS, dress - vintage, boots - Primark, sunglasses - H&M

An unusual choice of outerwear amongst the current sea of Barbours, Freast are very aware that this look is almost definitely on its way out. However, the feeling of being legitimately allowed to parade around in what is basically a giant blanket is phenomenal. Additional pluses include people thinking we're foreign - something Freast think is cool for some reason. A lot of people have asked if Freast's ASOS marvels are fancy dress and for this reason they're largely worn around the house. Keast is also aware that she looks like an idiot in the one above, but the camera ran out of battery at this point and she can't find the charger. She feels that the extreme use of the 'contrast' button may have over-compensated for the generally poor quality. 

Fry is aware that wearing sunglasses at night is tragic, however owing to her quality photo editing aided by special friend skills she now believes she is a celebrity. She also promises that she is not yet cool enough to work ribbed tights with deliberate holes in - she definitely didn't notice until she uploaded the photos. Freast have once again had issues with sizing as you may be able to tell. Keast's 'one size fits all' obviously doesn't  fit 'all'  as it almost reaches her ankles. Furthermore, Fry has opted to embrace the fact that hers is three sizes too big (Mamma Fry has decided that her daughter has 'broad shoulders') as this means she can fit lots of fleeces underneath.

Fry also assures you that she will brush her hair for the next post. Keast can't wait to see the results. 

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