FREAST'S SHORTLIST OF SUPERLATIVE CAREERS

From birth, fathers freast have promised us we'd be superstars. However, while we're still waiting for a call from the BBC (we'd accept T4 at a push)  we've composed a list of ideal careers to pass the time until we are discovered:

(1) Club-rep Following our cultural excursion to the wilds of Ibiza, Freast feel that 'club-rep' probably surpasses all other form of employment. Being paid to prance around in swimwear peer-pressuring large groups of wasted 'lads' into spending a fortune on boat parties with Maxim models probably has its perks. Our favourite technique observed during our sojourn on the isle was literally walking said teenagers to the cashpoint in order to seal the deal. Surprisingly such an occupation has yet to be listed on the University of Cambridge's list of 'intellectually stimulating' things to do on your year abroad.



(2) Trainer at sea world In addition to providing further opportunity for attention in swimwear, Freast can think of nothing better than showing off how much the planet's finest marine life love us. Despite not actually having degrees in marine biology as of yet, we reckon befriending people in the Science Faculty would probably get us in. Alternatively, Fry's accomplished dog training will no doubt propell us into such an occupation.

(3) Blue peter presenter Freast's successful crafts skills as well as manic smiles renders us perfect candidates for employment in the presentation of children's television. Always eager to get up close and personal with noted celebrities such as The Saturdays and headmasters of schools who've sourced the most shoes to send to Africa, we would be more than willing to wear Tammy's premium to secure such trade. (Presenting skills demonstrated by Freast's recent trip to Lego Land).

 

(4) Dancers for MTV Following our previous experience being filmed for an MTV boat party on the aforementioned vacation to Ibiza, Freast are keen to further expose our talent. Highlights from our varied repertoire of moves include 'the basket ball', 'the shopping trolley,' 'are these my hands' AND pretty much any form of transport required by potential clients.



(5) Graduates ('Hip hop classical violin-playing honey' and President of France) A devoted violinist, Fry understands that above the obvious 23 hours practice a day, she only really needs to be in possession of a wind machine, hydraulic lift and gold body paint as well as an adept 'smize' to achieve playing opposite the likes of Kanye. Keast, having abandoned music to take up Modern Languages, once went to Paris and ended up touching Nicholas Sarkozy so she's pretty sorted to inherit France. 

(6) Wives Since there's less than a 20 year age gap and we live in the south, Grandparents Freast believe it's only a matter of time before one of us meets, woos and marries Prince Harry. Of course Freast are more than willing forgo individual success in favour of becoming keen flower arrangers, basket-weavers, seamstresses and cleaners, provided that the suitor is prosperous and old.

Look forward to tomorrow's exploration of contemporary literature. It's going to be seminal.

MAXIMUM LOVE 

FREAST