FREAST DO HIGHBROW LITERATURE

'The most remarkable romance of our times:'

Mummy Keast was given this for Christmas. Freast were thrilled because it has detailed photos of Kate lifting boxes and wearing tracksuits. It also has very dramatic chapter titles such as:

The Guardian review for this book contains amazing phrases such as 'It is impossible to overstate just how common Kate is.' Freast were called 'common' once, but for some reason people don't get excited and curtsey when we're seen buying a lettuce in Thatcham Waitrose. As you might be able to tell, we may have solely looked at the photos and neglected the pages with words on in our examination of what we can only presume to be Kate's personal diary. The best part is that you can now buy A SET for £23.30 on Amazon which not only includes this tome, but also

William & Kate: Celebrating a Royal Engagement by Robin Nunn Hardcover £7.73

William and Kate: A Royal Love Story by The Sun

If The Sun want to send us a copy we'd be only too happy to do a similarly comprehensive review of their compendium of 'Royal Love,' which we're sure contains an entirely different set of comparisons to Diana and pictures of Kate at the supermarket.

FREAST'S SHORTLIST OF SUPERLATIVE CAREERS

From birth, fathers freast have promised us we'd be superstars. However, while we're still waiting for a call from the BBC (we'd accept T4 at a push)  we've composed a list of ideal careers to pass the time until we are discovered:

(1) Club-rep Following our cultural excursion to the wilds of Ibiza, Freast feel that 'club-rep' probably surpasses all other form of employment. Being paid to prance around in swimwear peer-pressuring large groups of wasted 'lads' into spending a fortune on boat parties with Maxim models probably has its perks. Our favourite technique observed during our sojourn on the isle was literally walking said teenagers to the cashpoint in order to seal the deal. Surprisingly such an occupation has yet to be listed on the University of Cambridge's list of 'intellectually stimulating' things to do on your year abroad.



(2) Trainer at sea world In addition to providing further opportunity for attention in swimwear, Freast can think of nothing better than showing off how much the planet's finest marine life love us. Despite not actually having degrees in marine biology as of yet, we reckon befriending people in the Science Faculty would probably get us in. Alternatively, Fry's accomplished dog training will no doubt propell us into such an occupation.

(3) Blue peter presenter Freast's successful crafts skills as well as manic smiles renders us perfect candidates for employment in the presentation of children's television. Always eager to get up close and personal with noted celebrities such as The Saturdays and headmasters of schools who've sourced the most shoes to send to Africa, we would be more than willing to wear Tammy's premium to secure such trade. (Presenting skills demonstrated by Freast's recent trip to Lego Land).

 

FREAST WANT TO BE ON TOP

This is probably about as high as Freast are going to get in the price stakes until Karl Lagerfeld realises that we have much more to offer Chanel than Blake Lively ever could. In short, for the garments worn in the following money shots, Freast wore All Saints. This required some special measures, such as the washing of hair and the use of props such a trained dog.

 

Seeing as we feel we are stretching the budget in the step up from Primark to H&M, All Saints is definitely one of those shops which requires us to ask fathers Freast for the inheritance early. As easy as it is to convince ourselves that our overdraft is just free money, our plastic didn't stretch as far as full price All Saints. However, the fact that this quality cardigan-come-wrap-with-sleeves was on sale didn't deter us from cracking out the 'America's next top model trying desperately to impress Tyra' posing. In hindsight Keast's crotch-grab was probably one step too far.   As you no doubt  can tell, the use of flash (due to night-time) had different effects on Freast's photos. Frankly, it's beyond us why the National Portrait Gallery hasn't commissioned for an exhibition yet.  



CONTINUE DELVING INTO THE WORLD OF HIGH FASHION BY 'READING MORE'

WHAT'S HOT AND WHAT'S NOT

GOING UP

1. Outfits made entirely of fleece

 

Now that Christmas is over, many are turning to adult size baby grows for winter comfort. However Freast advises not keeping your phone in the top pocket as in an emergency dash to the lavatory, it may be lost. (The pink slidey nokia is sorely missed)

2. Refreshers week

Forget the fact they're all leaner, cleaner and have a routine which involves washing hair, make like a first year and source those lashminas.

GOING DOWN

1. Leaving that bit of hair out of your bun

In our heads we're channelling Black Swan, the real outcome is worse than having a 'Primark £2 Sale' label hanging out.

2. Winter sun

Because sallow and malnourished is the new bronzed and buff.

READ MORE OF THESE QUALITY PERSPECITVES ON SOCIETY BY CLICKING BELOW

FREAST DO ANIMAL HIDE

Freast and their empty bank-accounts went crazy in Southampton, the result being that majority of these outfits were sourced from the glowing beacon that is the H&M sale, an experience that encourages shoppers to invest in a calibre of clothing that perhaps lies beyond their day to day attire. As haute couture as we’re sure this mock snake skin skirt seems, the garment was in actual fact a snatch at £7. 

 top - H&M, skirt - H&M, necklaces - Urban Outfitters

Unfortunately our inclination of getting over excited by prices constantly leads us to over look size, and so it is for this reason that this skirt is a size too big. We overcame this issue magnificently through our use of line, light and in the mirror photographic skill. However, if our eating habits established over the festive period continue, we’re sure it will fit snugly by the end of the month. A less garish article of clothing, this black and white striped top sported by Fry goes with any and every colour (although the wearer may benefit from a January tan). This is her attempt at being fierce and trying to make it work. In Keast’s head this jacket is phenomenal and she’ll wear it everywhere but in reality, the fact that it’s velvet and feels nice only when you stroke it a certain way has been increasingly intimidating her. 

At the moment of trying on the respective tops with the skirt in the changing room it was because we had no alternative option. Yet instead of conforming to the old rule of ‘don’t wear polyutherine faux-snakeskin skirts with monochrome horizontal AND diagonal stripes or a jacket comprised of an optical illusion’, Freast have decided to embrace pattern-on-pattern chic.

top - Topshop, skirt - H&M, jacket - H&M, belt - Mulberry

In other news, we are in great anticipation to return to our repective establishments of higher education and gauge opinion on Christmas haul through points and stares inside AND outside the lecture theatre.

MAXIMUM LOVE

FREAST



FREAST IN THE FOREST

    

  

 

   

Freast weren’t expecting great things from their saunter round Primark’s January sale (yes, who'd have thought Primark too have sales). It wasn’t until we walked past them the SECOND time that we saw the potential lying in the creative genius that are these green translucent rain mackintoshes. A solution to the frustration endured by many who have to cover up their more impressive outfits with coats, these see-through sensations still allow admirers to appreciate the reasons why we are repeatedly late to morning lectures. Unfortunately such gems had to come at the expense of a cracking pair of ‘denim’ dungarees AND were so exciting that we may not have noticed buying a pair of shoes with two left feet. Nevertheless Freast hit the local rural landscape dressed appropriately for dog walking. Please forgive our attempts at high fashion which were severely thwarted by the considerable quantity of standing water.

         

FRY: mac - Primark, necklaces - Urban outfitters, rings - Primark, cardigan - GAP, lace shirt - H&M, t-shirt - H&M, leggings - Zara, Boots - Primark

KEAST: mac - Primark, earings - Primark, rings - Primark, scarf - Zara, cardigan - Topshop, leggings - Primark, Boots - GAP

MAXIMUM LOVE

FREAST

  

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