FREAST DO INAPPROPRIATE HEMLINES

dress - ASOS, cardigan - vintage, tights - Henry Holland, boots - ASOS,  necklaces - Urban Outfitters

blazer - charity shop, top - topshop, tights - M&S, skirt - ASOS,  cardigan - Zara

In deciding that velvet is the new denim, and will never go out, Fry has invested in this striking body-con orange number. However, following her Dominoes-based dinner, body-con wasn't deemed by her photographer an attractive look - thus the giant green man cardigan was added to the ensemble. In a similar vein to Fry's 'special friend,' Keast's photographer decreed that having a picture on the interweb where the darker line at the top of her tights came below the hem of her skirt would put her office-babe career in jeapordy. She feels the 'powerwoman' blazer counteracts the 'prostitute' bottom half perfectly. She invested in the man-blazer last year, but is very afraid of the fact she's seen someone wearing an identical one in a lecture. In the wearing of Henry Holland's 'Hollywood' tights, Fry is trying to convince herself that this gives her all the credentials to replace Keast with someone like Alexa Chung or Agness Deyn. She has also invested in these ASOS trainer heels, believing that they will furthermore render her perfect WAG material. She is still waiting by the phone for both of these offers. 

 

Having run out of poses which didn't make her look all grubby, Keast resorted to the classic 'I'm wearing glasses made out of my own hands' look. She is aware that that having a chair covering most of her body probably isn't the best method of showcasing the outfit she's wearing. In hindsight tidying her floorspace would have made for a more aesthetically pleasing photo, although many visitors have noted that the plastic flowers and couture curtains are remniscent of Vogue Living. Keast was feeling particularly unclean this day. and it is for this reason that you can't see her face too closely and that her photos are generally below-par. Fry would like to apologise for the all too frequent wearing of the same two necklaces - tragically, she believes they make her outfits look more expensive. In addition, she has failed to wash her hair and has resorted to the aforementioned disgusting bun on top of her head. This won't happen again.

Massive thanks to all the new followers, even if we did coerce you through the use of comments. We'll try to keep the posts coming as regularly as possible, but Fry's uni starts next week with proper work (Keast's started 2 weeks ago. She isn't at all jealous.)

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FREAST DO INCA-INSPIRED

KEAST: cardigan - ASOS, tights - M&S, t-shirt - H&M

FRY: cardigan - ASOS, dress - vintage, boots - Primark, sunglasses - H&M

An unusual choice of outerwear amongst the current sea of Barbours, Freast are very aware that this look is almost definitely on its way out. However, the feeling of being legitimately allowed to parade around in what is basically a giant blanket is phenomenal. Additional pluses include people thinking we're foreign - something Freast think is cool for some reason. A lot of people have asked if Freast's ASOS marvels are fancy dress and for this reason they're largely worn around the house. Keast is also aware that she looks like an idiot in the one above, but the camera ran out of battery at this point and she can't find the charger. She feels that the extreme use of the 'contrast' button may have over-compensated for the generally poor quality. 

Fry is aware that wearing sunglasses at night is tragic, however owing to her quality photo editing aided by special friend skills she now believes she is a celebrity. She also promises that she is not yet cool enough to work ribbed tights with deliberate holes in - she definitely didn't notice until she uploaded the photos. Freast have once again had issues with sizing as you may be able to tell. Keast's 'one size fits all' obviously doesn't  fit 'all'  as it almost reaches her ankles. Furthermore, Fry has opted to embrace the fact that hers is three sizes too big (Mamma Fry has decided that her daughter has 'broad shoulders') as this means she can fit lots of fleeces underneath.

Fry also assures you that she will brush her hair for the next post. Keast can't wait to see the results. 

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WHAT’S HOT AND WHAT’S NOT

Going up

1. Superior audio-visual entertainment

Jeremy being hit with an envelope, because apparently that man’s relationship can’t ‘survive 2 lie detectors and a DNA test’

Some would say sleeping through the morning episode of Jeremy Kyle and catching up on it using ITV player was a low point in Freast’s lives. We find that quality programming such Jezza,  ‘Tool Academy,’  and ‘My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding’ are apt for filling the gap which some would say should taken up by academia. Freast’s highest accolade has to be shared equally between ‘Sun sex and suspicious parents’  and ‘Teens tie the knot,’ both of which Freast reckon could be key guides for living your life.

2. Being extra-curricular

Cane fighting society

Freast have tried a myriad of activities in the last two years of higher education. One highlight was probably Keast attempting mixed lacrosse for the first and only time, being run down and brutally attacked by LADS with sticks. Other activities which Freast have yet to attend but for some reason are on the mailing list for include ‘juggling society,’ ‘cane fighting society,’ and the 'steel pan society.’

3. Cats and Rocking chairs

http://morven-catsandrockingchairs.blogspot.com/

Essentially, Freast want to be her. This is not only due to our beginner blogger envy, but also has something to do with her apparently flawless wardrobe and the fact that she seems very clean. We expect she reciprocates the admiration. 

4. Kate Bush

A karaoke favourite and constant inspiration to Freast, no one works the mental look quite like Kate Bush. Freast recommends youtubing 'Army Dreamers' and 'Wuthering Heights'. We'll be practising our cartwheels this week.

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FREAST DO 'LEATHER'

Initially purchased for dog-walking purposes, the brown jacket sported by Fry (also owned but accidentally left at home by Keast) has become a treasured possession. We're somewhat unsure of it's 'leather' credentials, seeing as it came in at about £10, but it has exciting shaped sleeves and comes naturally creased which is perfect for Freast's floor.

Keast went for the androgynous look, aided considerably by the use of dry shampoo and horizontal stripes. Her leathers smell all proper but for some reason make her feel a little bit like a man or one of those girls who enjoy films with subtitles. For these photos she ventured out of the confines of her room onto the staircase made solely of wood. This happens to be the only exit of the building and definitely not any sort of fire hazard. Mummy Keast has bought her a safety rope and a fire blanket just in case.

KEAST: jacket - Pepe Jeans, jumper - Mango, jeans - UniQlo, boots - Gap

Fry now understands that these tights probably aren't quite appropriate for January, as the male population of Manchester were today incredulous at the sight of legs that resembled a nude colour. She also apologises for the increasing disintegration of her 'classy' red nail varnish. For the first time in a long while Keast wore jeans and it was a very restricting experience.

FRY: coat - Zara, Aran jumper - vintage, necklaces - Urban Outfitters, skirt - American Apparel, tights - Primark, boots - Topshop

Anyway, it's exciting to see that we now have enough followers to be a multiple of something. PLUS when we say it quickly most people assume we have 80. We normally don't correct them. Keast is still having massive issues finding gainful employment abroad, so if anyone owns France give us an email. 'Work which counts towards something' has been piling up by the day, but for some reason the world's most giant TK Maxx and the sticky depths of Wetherspoons have been more alluring. Expect a new 'What's hot' within the next 48 hours. It's probably not going to be quite as ingenious as last time but we'll endeavour to enthrall you once again.

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FREAST DO LECTURE CHIC

FRY: Jumper - Topman, Skirt - Topshop, tights - Topshop, boots - Topshop, necklaces - Urban Outfitters, coat - Mexx

Freast frequently compromise punctuality for the daily crisis involving trying the majority of our garments before settling on our choice of attire (even if its a choice of what fleece to sport driving to the shop and back).

Today, Keast was forced by her photo-taker to 'put something on her bottom half.' The natural choice was a skin-coloured skirt. Paired with the impeccably chosen pony T-Shirt (Urban Outfitters so it's definitely not like something she wore in year 6) and grandmother's cardigan. 

KEAST: Jumper -Charity, T Shirt - urban outfitters, boots - Mulberry, hat - Kath Kidson, shirt - vintage

Today, Fry has decided that she can get away with hosiery worthy of the Moulin Rouge by paring it with a giant jumper following her breakfast of meatballs for two. Despite attempts to convince herself that the addition of gold necklaces and red nail varnish make this outfit aesthetically pleasing, she is bitterly aware of the amount of times her choice of knitwear has been previously featured on her special man friend (which she may or may not have forced him to buy for personal gain).

Not always massive fans of the hair brushing/washing routine, Freast are devoted to the 'just tying it all on top of your head' look SLASH not taking any photos remotely near the face area.

As you can probably tell, the posts have become more far between. This may be due to the filling of time by cooking pot noodles, going to meetings to discuss lack of year abroad options, and trying to regain the friendships lost over the Christmas holidays. However, once we're set proper work with proper deadlines we'll definitely be back satisfying our escalating number of followers. 

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FREAST DO HIGHBROW LITERATURE

'The most remarkable romance of our times:'

Mummy Keast was given this for Christmas. Freast were thrilled because it has detailed photos of Kate lifting boxes and wearing tracksuits. It also has very dramatic chapter titles such as:

The Guardian review for this book contains amazing phrases such as 'It is impossible to overstate just how common Kate is.' Freast were called 'common' once, but for some reason people don't get excited and curtsey when we're seen buying a lettuce in Thatcham Waitrose. As you might be able to tell, we may have solely looked at the photos and neglected the pages with words on in our examination of what we can only presume to be Kate's personal diary. The best part is that you can now buy A SET for £23.30 on Amazon which not only includes this tome, but also

William & Kate: Celebrating a Royal Engagement by Robin Nunn Hardcover £7.73

William and Kate: A Royal Love Story by The Sun

If The Sun want to send us a copy we'd be only too happy to do a similarly comprehensive review of their compendium of 'Royal Love,' which we're sure contains an entirely different set of comparisons to Diana and pictures of Kate at the supermarket.

FREAST'S SHORTLIST OF SUPERLATIVE CAREERS

From birth, fathers freast have promised us we'd be superstars. However, while we're still waiting for a call from the BBC (we'd accept T4 at a push)  we've composed a list of ideal careers to pass the time until we are discovered:

(1) Club-rep Following our cultural excursion to the wilds of Ibiza, Freast feel that 'club-rep' probably surpasses all other form of employment. Being paid to prance around in swimwear peer-pressuring large groups of wasted 'lads' into spending a fortune on boat parties with Maxim models probably has its perks. Our favourite technique observed during our sojourn on the isle was literally walking said teenagers to the cashpoint in order to seal the deal. Surprisingly such an occupation has yet to be listed on the University of Cambridge's list of 'intellectually stimulating' things to do on your year abroad.



(2) Trainer at sea world In addition to providing further opportunity for attention in swimwear, Freast can think of nothing better than showing off how much the planet's finest marine life love us. Despite not actually having degrees in marine biology as of yet, we reckon befriending people in the Science Faculty would probably get us in. Alternatively, Fry's accomplished dog training will no doubt propell us into such an occupation.

(3) Blue peter presenter Freast's successful crafts skills as well as manic smiles renders us perfect candidates for employment in the presentation of children's television. Always eager to get up close and personal with noted celebrities such as The Saturdays and headmasters of schools who've sourced the most shoes to send to Africa, we would be more than willing to wear Tammy's premium to secure such trade. (Presenting skills demonstrated by Freast's recent trip to Lego Land).

 

FREAST WANT TO BE ON TOP

This is probably about as high as Freast are going to get in the price stakes until Karl Lagerfeld realises that we have much more to offer Chanel than Blake Lively ever could. In short, for the garments worn in the following money shots, Freast wore All Saints. This required some special measures, such as the washing of hair and the use of props such a trained dog.

 

Seeing as we feel we are stretching the budget in the step up from Primark to H&M, All Saints is definitely one of those shops which requires us to ask fathers Freast for the inheritance early. As easy as it is to convince ourselves that our overdraft is just free money, our plastic didn't stretch as far as full price All Saints. However, the fact that this quality cardigan-come-wrap-with-sleeves was on sale didn't deter us from cracking out the 'America's next top model trying desperately to impress Tyra' posing. In hindsight Keast's crotch-grab was probably one step too far.   As you no doubt  can tell, the use of flash (due to night-time) had different effects on Freast's photos. Frankly, it's beyond us why the National Portrait Gallery hasn't commissioned for an exhibition yet.  



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WHAT'S HOT AND WHAT'S NOT

GOING UP

1. Outfits made entirely of fleece

 

Now that Christmas is over, many are turning to adult size baby grows for winter comfort. However Freast advises not keeping your phone in the top pocket as in an emergency dash to the lavatory, it may be lost. (The pink slidey nokia is sorely missed)

2. Refreshers week

Forget the fact they're all leaner, cleaner and have a routine which involves washing hair, make like a first year and source those lashminas.

GOING DOWN

1. Leaving that bit of hair out of your bun

In our heads we're channelling Black Swan, the real outcome is worse than having a 'Primark £2 Sale' label hanging out.

2. Winter sun

Because sallow and malnourished is the new bronzed and buff.

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FREAST DO ANIMAL HIDE

Freast and their empty bank-accounts went crazy in Southampton, the result being that majority of these outfits were sourced from the glowing beacon that is the H&M sale, an experience that encourages shoppers to invest in a calibre of clothing that perhaps lies beyond their day to day attire. As haute couture as we’re sure this mock snake skin skirt seems, the garment was in actual fact a snatch at £7. 

 top - H&M, skirt - H&M, necklaces - Urban Outfitters

Unfortunately our inclination of getting over excited by prices constantly leads us to over look size, and so it is for this reason that this skirt is a size too big. We overcame this issue magnificently through our use of line, light and in the mirror photographic skill. However, if our eating habits established over the festive period continue, we’re sure it will fit snugly by the end of the month. A less garish article of clothing, this black and white striped top sported by Fry goes with any and every colour (although the wearer may benefit from a January tan). This is her attempt at being fierce and trying to make it work. In Keast’s head this jacket is phenomenal and she’ll wear it everywhere but in reality, the fact that it’s velvet and feels nice only when you stroke it a certain way has been increasingly intimidating her. 

At the moment of trying on the respective tops with the skirt in the changing room it was because we had no alternative option. Yet instead of conforming to the old rule of ‘don’t wear polyutherine faux-snakeskin skirts with monochrome horizontal AND diagonal stripes or a jacket comprised of an optical illusion’, Freast have decided to embrace pattern-on-pattern chic.

top - Topshop, skirt - H&M, jacket - H&M, belt - Mulberry

In other news, we are in great anticipation to return to our repective establishments of higher education and gauge opinion on Christmas haul through points and stares inside AND outside the lecture theatre.

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